Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
