So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
try to milk me bitch
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