I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
