Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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