I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
