This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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