I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
