I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize