did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
