just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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