My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is wine microwaveable?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dear god my vagina.
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