When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
