And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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