I think i sorta joined a cult last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
