Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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