oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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