Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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