I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
