I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
