Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.