this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right