I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."