There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
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They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.