is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
