she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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