I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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