one word: firstdatebathroomanal
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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