And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
