everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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