just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
