Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
