i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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