You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
