why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
