Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
