So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
