i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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