You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
