i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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