You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
