Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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