forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
