dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
