This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
