If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
