i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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