that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
