just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
