I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
