Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
