i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you would pick up someone in the library
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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