He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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