Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I smell stomach acid.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
