Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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