I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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