Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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