i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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