I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
