just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
