You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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