So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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