The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
